Thursday, 27 November 2014

i'm home!

I'm home! I am on non-maternity-related two-months leave. I am a special mom with a special child that needs to make that special sacrifice (from time to time). Sacrifice, isn't really the best word to describe tho, coz I am enjoying myself doing this. It's been two weeks and Iman already begs me to go back to work haha.
Being a stay at home mom, albeit temporary, is not easy. Hats off to those SAHM. There's always things to do. Kids always need something to eat. The boys always have something to fight over. Probably coz I haven't really get the grasp of it, yet.

I have been working since I was 23. That amounts to 17 years until now. Okay, 16 coz I took a year-off in 2010/2011. Though this is a second time I am doing this, it sometimes still feels weird not having to brace the morning traffic or rushing for the best-est ayam goreng during lunch time.

I am taking some simple translation jobs now. You know, to satisfy my ever-burning desire of buying things I want (but not necessarily need). Example, wanting the new body scrub when I still have one tub-full in the shower. 

I may leave the workforce altogether. And I may not. I don't know. I know what my priorities are but I can't (and don't) always get what I want. I believe Allah has the best of plan for me (and us all). He gives me what I need, InsyaAllah.

Monday, 3 November 2014

the passing of dear father

It's been awhile.

Ayahanda yang disayangi pergi meninggalkan kami, pulang ke Rahmatullah pada 28 Ogos 2014, 5:30 pagi. It happened so sudden, it left us numb with shock and grief. I have been trying to jot down my thoughts here but each time I overcame with emotions.

Routines fall back into their places soon after. After all, life has to go on. Though things will never be the same again.

I hold dearly the memories with my father. All the sacrifices he made in raising us all, those can never be repaid. I can no longer hug him. The chair he used to sit while smoking every evening seems so empty now. Too empty. No more order for my blueberry cheesecake or walnut bread. Those used to be his favorite among the mere things that I can cook. In fact, in the early day after he's gone, I seemed to lost the mere skills in baking that my husband asked me to take a rest awhile and let my feelings and emotions settle down.

Yesterday, I baked a blueberry cheesecake for Iman (his birthday is today). Likewise his Atok, that cake is also Iman's favorite. I remember when Iman was first diagnosed with ADHD + autistic traits, my father supported us emotionally. During the early days Iman finally started talking, my father called us almost everyday, to talk to Iman. Dah lama Atok tunggu Iman bercakap.

Banyak lagi kenangan. Terlalu banyak, tak tertulis.

It's been approximately two months. 
Always in my thoughts and prayers.

Ya Allah,
Kasihanilah bapaku sebagaimana dia mengasihaniku sejak kecil
Tempatkan lah bapaku bersama orang yang beriman